The Enterprise is orbiting planet M113. My Goodness is it boring! The dig records from the Craters-- they're the archeologists who have been working on the surface--say nothing about ancient hair technologies and for all we know the extinct inhabitants were as bald as a waxed Deltan. (If you don't know what a Deltan is, let me tell you, they are as bald as they are dripping with pheromones--and believe you me, sugar, when you're coiffure is a big null, you need excessive money or pheromones to catch some attention and since we don't use money in the 23rd century...but I digress). Ho-hum.
Salonbay has been as dead as the ancient civililization on the planet below (though certainly not as dusty--we've cleaned repeatedly for lack of clients). The only person who's been in today was Dr. McCoy. He's such a darling and he always smells like peppermint. Nancy Crater on the surface below is an old flame! I just love these final frontier romances, of course she's married now. Anyhoo, He just wanted a trim but I convinced him to darken those grey hairs. He was so resistant; I said "Dammit, McCoy, your a doctor, not a cosmetologist. I know what's best for your hair." and I pursed my lips and stamped my size 12 go-go boot (They aren't exactly regulation, but they're close enough so nobody says anything) He thought that was real funny and asked if I minded if he used it.
I tried to convince Kirk that I needed to be included in the landing party but he gave me the brush off. Women like Nancy need to be pampered--their hair and makeup needs are as urgent as medical and supplies. When will Starfleet learn? Jim seemed to think the place for the chief cosmetological officer was on board and I suppose he's right. There could be any number of hair related emergencies while he's away. The weave replicator is on the blink, so I might as well stick around and have Scotty take a look at it.
You know, Janice has been spending an awful lot of time with Sulu lately. I wonder if she knows. She's kind of clueless with the boys if you know what I mean. I'm always trying to get her to try a new hair style (although my basket weave hair weaving is truly unmatched in all quadrants). I don't know why she insists on that conservative look of hers; the Easter basket bob bump went out with the 22nd century!
They caught it. They killed it. It was trying to desalinate Captain Kirk, dressed up as the Doctor's own Nancy Crater (to clarify that sentence: the creature had taken Nancy Crater's form. Our daring Captain was not dressed in what passed as fashion for that ill-fated archaeologist). Our ship's crew is just so efficient! I swear, if I didn't know better, I'd say they could wrap any perilous situation up in about an hour (with commercials to boot)! The clean-up crew took the body down to biology. I'll run have a little looky-loo later. Turns out it wasn't a squid--and yes, it has hair! Mr. Spock, I'm sure, will supervise the dissection. I've heard rumors that it was the last of a dying race of salt sucking creatures, which is sad, but extinction is the price you pay for ruining Mz. Moxie's evening plans (and robbing me, not once, but twice, of marital bliss)! Oh, I'd better take some hair samples. Maybe, if I replicate the hair I can make some new hair pieces for Nurse Chapel. After all, what else do I have to do tonight, other than mourn, of course!