Friday, May 11, 2012

Enterprise 101: Lighting

The Enterprise is a very sophisticated lady. She is responsive and efficient. Her communications, life-support, medical facilities and research labs are state of the art. Her photon torpedoes are nothing short of bodacious. She's roomy like a sedan but handles like a sports car.

In addition to being one of the greatest ships in the fleet in terms of function, she's also one of the grooviest space birds to ever cross the void in terms of accommodations. In the series Enterprise 101 I'm going to be looking at special feature of this grand lady, pointing out some facts about her you many not know.

Mood filters enhance crew response

Before the 23rd century interior lighting was only used for illumination. Man was only able to set the mood of a space in the crudest of ways via what was called a dimmer switch. Now, using the latest developments in intelligent lighting or in-lightenment people never have to worry about the effects of harsh, unflattering lighting again.

The Enterprise uses the Garbo 6000 series of in-lightenment systems. Using various sensors (tone of voice detectors, visual receptors, wrinkle reactors, etc.) the Garbo 6000 engine adjusts lights for maximum dramatic effect. In addition to this standard set of sensors, Garbo 6000 can detect minute changes in hormones, neurotransmitters and pheromones.

This innovation allows the system to adjust lights for maximum attractiveness in mixed company, or to change the mood to minimize cattiness in all female settings, or maximize manliness when only the boys are around.

The system is also equipped with intelligent nano particles. These microscopic air-born particles create a gauzy or halo effect when maximum glamor is needed. Finally, the back-light circuit is the most sensitive to date, ensuring a silver-lining for every regulation bouffant on the bridge. No need to worry though.


  1. You, my new friend, have an exciting life. Perhaps I will call apond you to make a wig for me. I will require about 3 1/2 feet, for I do love long hair! How lucky for you to meet more unicorns, and such a variety too! Can they be trained into pets I wonder? The Enterprise is deffinalty the bueuty of the universe. I would need to have the Garbo 6000 fully functional when I'm around ! !

  2. OOOOOO I, Lt. Su-hura, am the anonymous one!

  3. Every sophisticated home needs trek lighting.