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Friday, April 6, 2012

Intoxicating Beauty: Profile of Venus Drug

Gentler reader, 

As recorded in my log, I recently discovered the illegal use of the Venus drug right here aboard the Enterprise! This drug is a menace to society and an affront to all hardworking artisans of beauty , such as myself. In our daily fight against the forces of ugliness we must avoid the easy route and help those less gifted and weaker than ourselves. Here is some information I would like to pass along to educate you about the Venus drug, its detection and use. 

Thanks Everso,
MAM

Common Name: Venus Drug

Overview: Venus Drug (sowearpursine) is a type of passive psionic hallucinogen mostly used as a performance enhancer or recreational makeover drug.

Using both hands improves effects

Other Names: Ishtar ice, Aphrodite red, Cupid crack or crank, Helen of Troy (HT), pop rock (pop being short for popular as well as refering to the way one takes it by mouth), red beauty, crystal looks, beefcake (when marketed to males), makeover pill, and Hoboken hog whistle.

Method of Delivery: Orally, by throwing to the back of the mouth; most effective when the mouth is covered by both hands. The drug enters the system almost immediately producing instant changes in appearance. These changes are accompanied by the perception of chiming xylophones. 

Human Female tripping on Venus and tripping off Venus
Primary Effect: Acts on the pre-frontal cortex causing it to emit passive psionic energy that causes others to view the emitter as profoundly beautiful. In addition, the drug actually causes instantaneous molecular changes in the hair of the taker, causing hairs to line up and smooth out, no matter how frizzy. The drug also creates the illusion that the taker is wearing lipstick, eye makeup and false eyelashes. the hair of the person taking the drug also begins to emit very low level radiation, giving them a gauzy appearance when viewed close up.

Human male on the Venus drug
Side Effects: the taker of the drug has compulsive desire to raise arms (as demonstrated in the picture of the male above), stroke themselves and believe they can fly, often leading them to jump through windows of multistory buildings. Anxiety and panic can occur with ingestion. When females take the drug it causes arousal response in the opposite sex and a desire to befriend the taker in the same sex. The psionic waves produced by the drug in the female body causes cattiness among females in their presence. Women suffer from feelings of inadequacy when near other women who are high on the drug. When taken by males it causes arousal in both the same and opposite sexes (proving that men are, indeed, just dogs.)

Vulcan/Romulan hybrid on the Venus drug

Long Term Effects: The big head, beauty fatigue, weight gain.

 Sign of overdose: arms locked upright

Signs of overdose: Apathy, glowing skin, radiation poisoning (to those around you), arms stuck overhead, development of a third eye, irreparable liver damage, poor career choices, dancing with the stars.

Source: The drug has two distinct sources. The psionic mushrooms of Delta IV and the toothed snapping glow fungus of Orion. Both are meat eating fungi that attract their prey by radiating extreme beauty.

Typical users: Venus is often used as a performance enhancement drug for bodybuilding and has been found in use on beauty pageant circuits in children as young as three. The United Federation of Planets (UFP) has required drug testing for all licensed pageants since the Little Miss UFP scandal of 2254. The drug also has widespread recreational use especially among teens and the chronically ugly. Venus is used legally as a fertility drug, mostly on the planet Tellar, where natives are so ugly they defy the laws of natural selection by their very survival.

Venus: unethical performance enhancer in children
History: These fungi are highly toxic in the systems of the sentient beings (the Deltans and the Orions) of the planets they originate from and even if they were not the natives would have little use for them because they themselves have similar qualities of attraction. At some point, aliens to Delta IV (probably the teenage children of diplomats) discovered the hallucinogenic qualities of these fungi. The Orion syndicate began producing and selling the drug, insisting that it be made illegal to drive up the price.

Treatment: Occasional use of the drug does not appear to create dependency. However, long term use does and requires a period of detoxification, usually experienced as disastrous media interviews. Those addicted to the drug often need countless hours of therapy with both stylists and makeup artists.

For more information read: Beauty Junkie: My Life on the Pageant Circuit by Tammy Fescue or Sugar Pill Your Way to Gorgeous! by Dr. Yevette Chaparral.

 Horny vs. Catty

5 comments:

  1. Greetings from one of The Hair Hall of Fame beauticians.

    Your blog makes me flip my wig!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yeah! That's what my giant wig spatula is for!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I heard about an AIRBORNE PHEROMONE that is Designed to Attract HUMANS which is Sprayed into the AIR known as the VENUS DRUG. Is there Anyone out there that can confirm if this AIRBORNE version of the VENUS DRUG actually does exist?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Great Article it its really informative and innovative keep us posted with new updates. its was really valuable. thanks a lot.
    קוסמטיקאית

    ReplyDelete