"Thank you for calling. Please listen to our new troubleshooting menu as it may have changed since the last time you called..."
"If you checked and the tray isn't jammed press 1. Does it have enough toner? If you checked the toner then please press 2. OK, Now look on the other side, where you placed the blank android, did you insert it correctly. It should be facing the opposite direction of the original. If the blank android is inserted correctly, please press 3. Now, Do you have two people manning the console? If you have...."--Fuji Xerox help line
"I'm sorry, we cannot send out a repairman. All of our repairmen were murdered by androids. Please stay on the line and the next available operator will assist you."