|Knowing me, Knowing you...|
So, last we saw, Pike had been taken prisoner. We were on our way to Talos IV, a forbidden planet. Contact with Talos IV is the last offense punishable by death. We are still unsure if we all face the death penalty here or just Spock, but I'm sure someone will clear that up at some point.
|Now all the Keeper needs is a grill, a pimp hat and a fly cane|
Pike: Hey, what the...
Keeper: See, Humans are dumb. He's just figuring out we are telepathic.
Pike: Why I outta...
Keeper: Now he's gonna put on a show.
Pike: Hey! (He throws himself against the transparency)
Keeper: Let's experiment on it.
|Little in the middle but they got much back of the head|
As living beings evolve in intelligence, it seems they often loose their hair. I find this distressing. Surely the loss of hair and hair ornamentation denotes a decline in civilization. Isn't that obvious. The real reason the Talosians need humans is for their hair. Without hair to style, boredom sets in. When beings can no longer tease and trim and ornament a healthy, full head of hair they loose their will to live. That is what happened to these poor beasts! That is what really drove them underground. But I digress.
Next, we saw the crew back on the ship. There was Dr. Boyce and the younger bushy-browed Spock, the one called Number One with the Lois Lane hairdo, another pert little red-headed girl and two young men- one blond and one brunette. I have no idea what they were talking about, something about weapons. I was too busy looking at the girl's hair and trying to decide if the boys were hot or not.
|A "before" shot of the Flamingo Hotel and Casino|
So, Pike and Vina are at the palace on Rigel VII. I can only assume the Keeper told Vina to really play it big, because she really goes over the top, screaming and flailing her arms. I suppose the Talosians were in a hurry to put them there because they really didn't spend much time on her hair. They braided a ribbon in a hairpiece and hot glued it to a headband. It was passable, but not for a damsel in distress--her hair was certainly in distress! I guess they didn't think Pike would notice that much, but I bet that's why he didn't fall for her right away.
Pike killed the warrior and suddenly, he and Vina were back in the cage. Now, that was a hair do. Vina looked lovely in the silver dress and the bob.
Back on the surface the crew beamed down with an old style laser cannon to try and blow open the entrance to the Talosian lair. They were unable to. I saw the problem right away but no one else seemed to notice. You see, laser cannons have a "laser light show" setting and it was pretty obvious from the technicolor blast that they had it set to "firework display" and not "pulverize".
|First Talosian Church: Services are a Real Blast|
There was something about breeding and Adam and Eve, and then Vina disappeared, and then Pike was in a burning pit, and, oh yes, at that point Pike learned that Vina was real, and that the Talosians couldn't read through hate. I started to tune things out a little. I flipped through a UFP Hair Today magazine. But then it started to get interesting again.
There was Vina in a shady clearing in the woods. She and Pike were having a nice little picnic. Now, her hair was the picture of perfection! I was sure the Talosians were trying harder, such lovely blonde locks! Well, then things really got intersting.
|Chartreuse Chanteuse in her Gorn Skin Getup|
|"I will NOT mate with these chicks."|
When I looked back up they had broken out of the cage and were on the surface of the planet. The exchange went something like this:
Keeper: Hey, now that we got you up to the surface you can start breeding. Don't mind me.
Pike: Send these two back and I'll stay with Vina.
Number One: Oh no you don't. I'll see you in hell first. (She set her phaser to overload.)
Other Talosians: We've gone through their stuff. Wanna know what we found?
Keeper: (mentally incorporating human data and turning to Pike) Oh, You bitches is crazy.
Vina: Sigh. That means you're free to go.
That was when I noticed Number One's blue nails. Such refinement.
|You had to go and muss her hair too!|
So they left Talos IV and that was that. All in all it was great entertainment, but I missed the point. I mean really, how is that going to get Spock off?
But it wasn't over! It seems that Commodore Mendez was never on board. Spock set all this court martial nonsense up just to bring Pike back to Talos IV. Now Pike won't have to spend the rest of his life in a bleeping chair! He and Vina can now breed in their perfect illusory bodies for bus loads of Thalosian school children to watch! Starbase 11 has also contacted us and let Spock (or maybe, all of us) off the hook. None of us will die today! Yipee! What an amazing ruse! I will say it was much better than that mystery dinner theater I went to at the Flamingo on Rigel VII a year ago. Maybe Spock should be the cruise director.
|Ho Ho Ho, Green Goddess|