Monday, April 23, 2012

Having an Episode: Miri

Stardate: 2713.5

We are orbiting an exact copy of earth. What's with the copies? these last few weeks copies of Captain Kirk have been positively oozing out of the woodwork and now this! (I just hope the earth's double doesn't start forcing itself on female crew member's!) There will be a landing party and I have to, have to, have to be a part of it. If it's an exact copy of earth I should be able to get some decent sushi and a good cup of coffee. I bet we can even find a Korean beauty supply store!

(NOTE: As silly as it may seem, duplicate Earths are not unheard of and are no laughing matter. Infact, the history books tell us of a huge computer that was a replica of the earth. From what I understand, it was designed to answer the question of life, the universe and everything. I believe it was destroyed by Vogons.)

If you look real close the number 42 is everywhere. I wonder why.

I've gotten word that Rand is going to be in the landing party along with Spock, Kirk, Dr. McCoy, Williams and Walker. I'd hoped to be assigned as beauty support but the captain insists that I stay on board. I made Rand promise to keep in touch with me, and to contact me at the first sight of a beauty supply store. I understand taking Williams as security, but Walker. Walker is a loose cannon. I remember being on shore leave with him and a few other crew members a while back. He kept inflating himself in front of the locals by telling them he was Captain Walker. It was "Captain Walker" this and "Captain Walker" that. I'm surprised he didn't get himself in trouble and thrown into the brig!

The crew is dying to know what's going on on the planet's surface. As usual in these situations, crew members are coming by salonbay with no real beautification needs. They come here for the chat and we are serving it up hot! This comes straight from the bridge: John Farrell came down for a peppermint scalp treatment (he has such beautiful strawberry blond hair but unfortunate recurring battles with dry scalp), and he said that the away team has come in contact with a virus, A VIRUS! My first question was "John, is it an STD?" I just blurted it out. I just couldn't help myself. Kirk does have a healthy libido and sometimes managing these away teams is like chaperoning hormonal teenagers to Panama City, Florida for spring break! John said it was not an STD; it was airborn. Mr Spock doesn't have it but everyone else does. Why, they are positively covered in blue spots from what I gather.

I got a quick message from Rand, too. The planet is devastated or devastating. I couldn't really tell, She couldn't get a good signal. There is or is not a good Korean beauty supply store--or maybe she said a Coridan beauty supply store, and I wouldn't be very interested in that. Those Coridanites make the ugly stick look like a blooming orchid! Honestly, I think the real reason they are miners is because they don't want to show their faces in the light of day. But, I digress. Janice said something about children.

A Vengan just before space madness kicked in
A little more news has filtered in from the bridge crew. Now, Scotty was here earlier for a trim. He's in command since Kirk and Spock are away. While I was shaving his ear hair I mined him for information. He said the planet is in ruins. There are no adults, only children. Now mind you, he did say the children were 300 years old.

Now, the other thing he told me about is the disease: The inhabitants were trying to slow the rate of aging and they accidentally created this fatal disease. The disease leads to space madness before death. (The same thing happened on Venga IV. Well, almost the same. The Vengans were trying to slow aging with a mutated strain of the botulism bacterium called botasm. At first it worked. Space madness and death followed--oh, and then Zombie-ism.)

Janice rang me on her communicator. She was very emotional and we had another bad connection. First she cried. Then she said something about her legs that I asked her to repeat a few times but I still didn't get it. And then she got angry and just let fly with a stream of obscenities. I think the space madness might be next.

The crew is incommunicado and rumors are flying. They are so close to finding a cure. Some people speculate that the children have gone all "Lord of the Flies" on the landing party.

The landing crew is back! Not a one of them is dead and they are all cured. Even Williams and Walker made it back! Bones tested his antidote on himself and it worked. I joined a large team that beamed down to the surface to help synthesize the vaccine and inoculate the children. We left them some provisions including eight live pigs we had on board. I loved talking to the kids and giving them hope for the future. I fell in love with one little girl in particular. Her name was Entity, I told her that one day, if she worked hard enough, she could be in charge of everything. "Why," I said, "You could be in charge of ... What's the name of this place anyway?" She said that they always called it Bartertown. "One day, you'll rule Bartertown, Entity. You just have to want it enough."

We are leaving the children behind. You know, Kirk isn't very good with kids and I think he really wants to put some space between himself and this little incident. Space Central will send in a team to help them. Hope they do it quickly and don't drag their feet on this. And I hope that the children remember us fondly:

1 comment:

  1. I'm glad all went well at the end for the children. I wish I'd beamed down with you, to help the children. I could have taught them how to cook the pig and other foods what went down with them. I would tell the how to use the herbs. (I, Lt. Su-hura, am the anonymous one! I don't know which one to pick lol)